Food


So, our brains constantly torture us to the tune of ; I should be spending more time with my kids, cooking healthier meals, calling friends more regularly, returning emails, working harder, going to the gym more often, being nicer to people, coming home earlier from the office, baking more, eating better… Oh the Guilt! Oh the Guilt!

Actually, guilt does serve its purpose on occasion. It sometimes guides us when things go wrong in our lives, when we’re not working hard enough, or when we’ve done something wrong, for example. But us ladies truly take guilt to a whole new level. I would even go so far as to call it our disease.  We suffer from guilt about so many things. Instead of recognizing all the wonderful things we do for those around us, we let the things we CAN’T do completely overtake our mind. This is a sad thing ladies. Sad. But I will tell you, I suffer from this disease as well! And it’s chronic.

I sold my business three years ago to be home with my kids, because I was feeling so guilty leaving them all the time. Now, I feel guilty if I can’t be at all the carpool pickups for my little son. Or I feel guilty if I want to take time alone. I feel guilty if I miss a dinner with the kids due to a school meeting. I feel guilty if I go to the 7:30am kick boxing class. I feel guilty ALL THE TIME. And I don’t know why. After all, I think I’m a pretty good mom, daughter, and wife. I just can’t turn off that guilt switch.

So what is the solution? Many experts say we truly need to put ourselves and our needs first. To take that “Me time.” Haven’t we all heard “The first Love, Self love.” or “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” and “Happiness comes from within. First please yourself, and then you’ll be pleasing to others?”

Well that shit is darn easier said than done!!!

There is such a fine line between pleasing and nurturing ourselves, and being selfish. That’s at least where I and so many of you struggle. If I treat myself to an afternoon alone, am I a bad mother? If I leave the office too early, am I bad employee? If I leave my marriage without trying, did I give up too soon?The list is endless.

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So, what do you do? Guilt can be very paralyzing and destructive. And the thing with guilt, is no one punishes you but yourself! Every woman deserves to be happy, and live their life to its maximum potential.

  • First, accept that you are human, and that you are always acting the best you can, at any given moment. Accept that humans fail and err, and all you can do is your best. Guilt keeps you stuck in the past, and doesn’t let you move forward. Let it go.  You’ll do better the next time.
  • This leads up to; if you made a mistake, learn your lesson and move forward. Learn to be resilient. It’s a process.
  • The “should-haves” cause tremendous guilt. Placing unrealistic expectations on yourself serves you no purpose other than to stress you out. This leads us back to learning to say no a little more, and saying it guilt free.
  • Don’t get sucked in when someone is trying to give you a guilt trip. For example, “Really don’t come if you don’t want to… Isn’t that too expensive for you?… You put your child in daycare after 3 months?… Shouldn’t you be home with your kids now?” Don’t even answer the question or you are being sucked in.
  • Remind yourself of ALL THE GOOD THINGS YOU OFFER TO THIS WORLD. Calm those negative and guilty thoughts. Seriously, the power of positive thinking is an incredible thing. You’re worth it. We’re all worth it. We all deserve a little “me time,” and deserve it guilt free.
  • And finally, stop asking yourselves, “What will the world think of me if I…” Stop caring what others think… you’ll see how much guilt dissipates once you stop caring about how the world views you. I know people who have mastered this art. They don’t give a sh*t what anyone thinks of them! And I tell you, they’re happy! Now, I’m not saying not to care or be accountable to your family and friends, but stop that need for external approval.

And stop living your lives the way OTHERS want or expect you to. And stop feeling guilty that you’re not perfect; my friends, neither are they!! Live your life according to your own values and beliefs. We are on this earth for a short time. Make is great.  Make it count.

xoxEDxox

Any of you have your own tips for calming the guilt in your brains? Share with our readers…

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Wow, sitting at Second Cup, writing today’s blog entry before going to serve pizza lunch at my son’s school. I have to say, I’m enjoying this new venture. I simply love everything women related, all the issues, and this has become an incredible medium for me to connect with all of you.

Because many of you have written in about body image, diet and other, I am dedicating today’s blog to you ladies. Summer is practically over, BBQ season is just about done, the flowing booze is no longer flowing. It’s time to head back to the gym and get remotivated. As my woman Oprah says, “It’s time to put yourselves back on your to-do list.”

I often hear, “I look like sh*t… I feel like sh*t… I need to lose 10 pounds… I’m too short… My thighs are too big… My skin looks old… I”m sagging…” and the list goes on and on. We are very hard on ourselves. Who can blame us? All you have to do is open any magazine… you see what you’re “supposed” to look like. An airbrushed, anorexic, body focused, diet and exercise obsessed individual. Sweethearts, you’re never gonna win that battle. Kelly Ripa, Madonna, and Gwyneth’s bodies are their careers. They have unlimited budgets to spend on custom designed organic meals brought to them three times a day. A trainer 7 days a week. A masseuse. An accupuncturist. A yoga guru. A spiritual adviser. A beautician on call 24/7. And the list goes go on and on.

Now, back to reality. If you’re like the rest of the world who just struggles to make it through the day, Stella, you gotta get your groove back! And while most women who stare in the mirror don’t love what they see staring back, it’s time to work with what you got. It’s time to embrace what god gave you and work it to your advantage. I swear, it ain’t all physical. Please let that soak in. Attractiveness is so way beyond how thin or fit you are, and how great your skin looks. It’s time to change your body image. I’m gonna try and help you below.

Firstly, let me give you a few disturbing facts. Take away what you will from them.

  • The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5’11” tall and weighs 117 pounds.
  • One out of every four college aged woman is suffering from an eating disorder.
  • At age 13, 53% of all American girls are “unhappy with their bodies.” This grows to an enormous 78% by the time the girls turn 17.

Now, starting today, you’re gonna try one or a few of these suggestions below. You’re gonna start loving the body you were given and make it work for you. Your going to start improving your own body image.

  1. Try and not weigh yourself. Go by how you feel. If you are at the gym exercising regularly and eating well, throw the scale away. You don’t need it if you’re doing everything else correctly. It just leads to obsessions!
  2. Surround yourself with realistic images of women, like the one at the top. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and stop perusing through Bazaar and Vogue in the grocery line.
  3. Look for clothes that compliment your OWN body shape and size… NOT THE ONE YOU WANT TO HAVE. Wearing clothes that fit you properly and look good on YOU will help you feel better. However, please note, external beauty isn’t only about your size. It’s about how you carry yourself, your confidence, your aura. Stop those negative thoughts.
  4. Exercise. Do something 3-6 times a week that makes you sweat. The endorphins do great things for your brain. They give you feelings of euphoria. It will in turn have beneficial results on your body. It’s a whole positive cycle.
  5. You’re gonna have to be with yourself for a very long time. Treat yourself kindly. Wake up gently. Grab a cup of warm tea. Shower with care. Get ready slowly if you can. Take a hot bath at night with lavender oils. It’s not realistic every day. But pampering yourself makes you feel better. And when you feel better in your brain, it shows everywhere.

And realize. All we can do is our best in life. Try and cut yourself some slack. Learning to love yourself inside and out is a process. Start today. Go easy on yourselves. Be kind to the woman staring back in the mirror. Love her.

Do you have any suggestions on how you have learned to improve your own body image? Please share it with our readers below.

xoxEDxox

If there is one daily question in our house that is sure to get me aggravated, it’s “What’s for dinner?” This is because dinnertime has been, and continues to be a thing of frustration for me. Just the sound of the question drives me bananas.  Trying to accommodate the nutritional needs and eating preferences of 4 different people. So, dinnertime in our house kinda goes something like this. Kids eat 5:30PM. Parents eat anywhere from 6:30 to 7:30PM, (while the kids eat their fruits so at least we’re sitting as a family).

Truth is, we no longer eat dinner as a family unit since my big son started grade 1 this month. I find it just too difficult. The boys start whining about dinner around 5pm, “I’m starving, I can’t wait for daddy to come home”. My husband gets home from the office anywhere between 6:30 – 7:30PM, so waiting for him since my big son started grade 1, no longer happens (grade 1 finishes at 4, and I understand his need for a nice meal soon after homework is done). This saddens me greatly, but hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I really believe, “Why would I give them a snack at 5:30, when they’re hungry for dinner at that time?” I have never been a big believer in giving snacks at mealtimes, or snacks to stall meals. I like to feed them when they’re hungry. I have been known to make whole wheat and organic cheese Kraft Dinner at 10am, grilled cheese at 10:30am, hamburgers at 3:55pm. I feed on demand. I know this makes me sound like a parent being dominated by a tiny person, but when you have a son who barely eats, I like to strike while it’s hot. So, I always sit with the boys at 5:30PM and they eat, and I watch and pray. And then I sit down for my own meal at 7 with my husband.

Now, this is how the real dinner dilemma goes for me.  A meal for 3 (myself, my husband, my 2-year old), and another meal for 1 (my grade 1 boy). ALL THE TIME. I try and cook healthy, and I pride myself on preparing nice fresh and healthy meals. There’s always a soup or salad to start, followed by a protein, carb and vegetable. Just  like Mary Poppins, thank you very much! That’s the case of course, for the group of 3.  The 4th meal, for my big son, barely contains a vegetable (he only eats corn on the cob and celery), and it’s always a WHITE LOOKING MEAL (or orange… Kraft Dinner, grilled cheese, plain noodles… you see where I’m going with this?). We can get a little spaghetti and meatsauce or hamburger in once in a while, but not with a veggie, and he takes 2 bites. Now, I’M NOT EVEN A GOOD COOK, NOT DO I EVEN ENJOY IT, so this shit stresses me out when I go to the grocery store. What am I making for the threesome, what am I making  for the big kid? Top that off with the fact that my husband eats like a bird. I have really  no one to cook for, other than myself and my two year old who, god bless him, has my appetite, but I don’t think my metabolism!!! So, unless I plan on continuing to make myself crazy, or turn everyone into a pizza, I’m gonna have to find a solution. I’m truly tired of making two meals, but I’m not ready yet to send my thin older son to bed without dinner. My friends say “Offer Johnny, (we’ll call my 6 year old) what the rest of the family is eating, and if he doesn’t like it, tough!” Ladies, I just ain’t there yet. Maybe I baby him, but I’m just not gonna do it.

So, if this insanity sounds familiar, at least be happy you’re not alone. Misery loves company!

Oh ya, and every time my “Johnny” asks for fish sticks, I just cringe. He was brought up on all organic and home cooked vegetables. I fed him like a prince. And now he only asks for the white foods. My little one, feed him acetone, and he takes it all in, every last drop, and with a smile might I add. Gotta love kids. Born to the same parents, same gene pool, completely different creatures.

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So, here are some useful tips to solving the dinner dilemma and believe me ladies, I’m trying desperately to incorporate them into my own house. Again, like my BBF Oprah says, I’m just “a work in progress.”

  • Plan ahead. I don’t do this often enough but I should. Don’t just whip something up at the last minute. I’m not saying don’t cook quick and healthy meals. I mean have the ingredients in your house, BEFOREHAND, so when it’s time to start dinner, you have what you need. If you work, make a big order on the weekends and freeze. Pull out your daily chicken or meats the morning you leave for work, and have your veggies and rice and potatoes already in the fridge or pantry from your weekend shopping. Try getting to the fruit store at least twice during the week, so there are lots of healthy choices for snacks and side dishes.
  • Foods that kids like can often be made healthy. Make your own whole wheat dough, get some organic tomato sauce, some organic cheese, throw some veggies on top, with a side salad, and you have yourself a delicious and healthy meal for the whole family. Try to compromise. Have your hubby eat pizza one night, and the kids eat steak or salmon another night. Explain to your husband that even though they want a big plate of pasta and meatsauce, or steak,  some nights they have to eat a simple BBQ chicken, cuz that’s what the kids like. Plus you don’t want to turn in to me, and start making a millions meals for everyone. Start that early, my friends!
  • Make extra, and get your family used to eating left-overs. Again, not something my husband likes… AT ALL but it’s something he’s getting used to. Some chicken breasts on the BBQ one night can serve as a great chicken salad the next night. Just a thought.
  • Have your family members suggest what they like. Why wrack your brain? Supply and demand. If they can suggest something healthy and good for the whole family, why not give in? And if budget permits, an occasional splurge on chinese food take out or whatever the family loves to order in could be fun.
  • Try out a few different recipes and see what works. Even a horrible cook like me can whip up some great and easy with recipes online, or from friends. Open yourself up a good bottle of wine, play some tunes, and try and have fun with it. Don’t make mealtime something so serious. Try new recipes. Maybe someone in your family will like it, and hey, that’s one more step in the right direction.
  • And finally, if they don’t like it, THEY CAN MAKE IT THEMSELVES! We aren’t martyrs. We are human beings with feelings, and  I say, if they all don’t like what we’re whippin up, let ’em whip it up themselves.

Ladies, I would love to know how it works in your families, and how you’re surviving mealtimes! Please share your comments below to help us all get off the fence with the dinner dilemma!

xoxEDxox